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Throwing a baby shower is a blessed event under any circumstances, but adoption brings a special element to the affair. I have been very blessed to have been given beautiful adoption showers for my babies and I wanted to share my tips, feelings, and etiquette for throwing a fabulous adoption shower. <\/p>\n
1. Focus on baby – not adoption.<\/strong> 2. Timing<\/strong> 3. Invitations<\/strong> 4. Avoid intrusive questions. <\/strong> *Special Note to Adoptive Moms:<\/strong> When answering intrusive comments or questions, your first priority is to be aware of your child\u2019s little ears who are listening. They hear more than you know (even if they don\u2019t quite yet have a grasp of the English language). You never want your child to learn details about his or her past through your conversations with others. Also, know that you don\u2019t have to share your whole life story with a stranger or even a close friend. Keep your privacy, but don\u2019t make your child feel that adoption is a secret or something we can\u2019t talk about or something that makes mommy nervous. <\/em><\/p>\n Inappropriate Question:<\/strong> \u201cYou couldn\u2019t have your own kids?\u201d Answer:<\/strong> \u201cThese are my own kids.\u201d 5. Be sure to have mom register. <\/strong> 6. It’s not about the gifts, it’s about celebrating a new addition to the family!<\/strong> 7. Be flexible.<\/strong> Throwing a baby shower is a blessed event under any circumstances, but adoption brings a special element to the affair. I have been very blessed to have been given beautiful adoption showers for my babies and I wanted to share my tips, feelings, and etiquette for throwing a fabulous adoption shower.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1051],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6521","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-holidays-parties"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loraleelewis.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6521","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loraleelewis.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loraleelewis.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loraleelewis.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loraleelewis.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6521"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.loraleelewis.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6521\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loraleelewis.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6521"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loraleelewis.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6521"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loraleelewis.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6521"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nMost adoptive moms just want to be treated like any other new mom. They want the same excitement, fuss, and joy for their little one as any<\/em> other baby from the womb would receive. As an adoptive mom, you want family and friends to be just as excited for this baby as they would if you were nine months along with a biological child. This is an important concept to remember when planning a shower for an adoptive mom. Focus on making it as much like a “normal” baby shower as possible. Obviously special circumstances needed to take place for this infant to be placed in his new mother’s arms, but in general Infant adoption is just another way of bringing a baby in to this world and a family; the product is the same – a baby sent straight from Heaven in all his or her perfection. That is not to say that you won’t want to tie in an appropriate <\/strong>amount of the child’s culture if he or she was adopted abroad. For example, pink and purple Chinese laterns may be a charming addition for a shower of a little girl adopted from China. Yet, you would never want to force everyone to eat rice with chopsticks. It would be rude, inappropriate, and silly. Be appropriate. If you do decide to tie in the child’s culture in any way the details should be well thought out. <\/p>\n
\nThe timing of an adoption baby shower should be up to the parents. A shower can be held either prior to the baby\u2019s arrival or after the child arrives home. If the shower is held after the child\u2019s arrival, a shower should be sensitive to the necessary period of adjustment, particularly in the case of an older child. Also, the child does not need to be present if it may be too much for him or her. These are all things to consider.<\/p>\n
\nMy first tip for those embarking upon an adoptive shower is to be sure that the invitation is worded correctly. Do not refer to the baby as an \u201cadoptive baby\u201d or \u201cadopted child.\u201d If for some odd reason, a guest may not know that the mother adopted her child, you could write something such as: \u201cPlease join us in celebrating Jing Mae\u2019s arrival from China into her mother\u2019s arms.\u201d Do no write: \u201cCome celebrate Tina\u2019s adopted baby\u201d or something of that nature. To an adoptive mom, her child is her child. She doesn\u2019t see her child as her adopted daughter; it is her daughter. Try your best to reflect that reality in the details of your shower.<\/p>\n
\nHaving a family that is multiracial has brought many intrusive questions my way. Each adoptive parent must learn to handle each of them with the utmost grace. Each mother will have a learning curve – you don\u2019t want her baby shower to be a part of that.<\/strong> Below is a list of inappropriate comments and questions to avoid, as well as answers I have used for all the adoptive moms out there.<\/p>\n
\nInappropriate Question:<\/strong> \u201cSo is it you or your husband that is infertile?\u201d Answer:<\/strong> Best said with a feeling of jest, \u201cAre you serious? That is none of your business, girlfriend.\u201d
\nInappropriate Question:<\/strong> \u201cWhat happened to her \u2018real\u2019 parents?\u201d Answer: <\/strong> This answer will differ depending on your knowledge of your child’s birthparents, as well as the situation. Special Note: Remember again, you do not need to answer this question at all. Just because someone asks doesn’t mean they are entitled to an answer. Also, always speak wonderfully positive about your child’s birthparents. Never mention abortion if it was considered. Never imply the child was a special hardship. Positive images of birthparents is imperative. Your language about your child’s birthparents should always be filled with the wonder and thanksgiving of how he and she created your child. That above all should be focused on despite any character failings he or she may or may not have. Again, remember the little ears that are listening.<\/em>
\nInappropriate Comment:<\/strong> \u201cOh, she is so lucky.\u201d Answer:<\/strong> “No. No. I am the lucky one. I am her mother.” Special Note: Using the term \u201clucky\u201d implies that a child should <\/strong>be grateful. When gratitude is expected for just being a child of a parent it tells the child a) they are not allowed to be angry b) they are not allowed to have frustration and c) it fosters resentment.<\/em>
\nInappropriate Question:<\/strong> \u201cHow much did she cost?\u201d Answer:<\/strong> “I am sure you will agree that children are simply priceless. She is worth millions and millions.”<\/p>\n
\nMost adoptive moms do not register simply because they don’t know what to write on due date, etc. It is a good idea to have mom register once baby arrives as mom knows the sizes and items she best needs. <\/p>\n
\nWhile I was waiting for my bundles of joy to arrive, I had plenty of time on my hands. So when I finally did get them home, their nurseries and closets were ready to “just add baby.” I didn’t need a shower for baby items. I needed a shower for the excitement and celebration of having my family home.<\/strong> Often adoptive moms have waited so long that they have a lot of what they need already, don’t let that keep you from throwing them a huge fabulous shower. It’s about the celebration – not about the gifts.<\/p>\n
\nAdoptive moms of older children especially have to take into account their child’s well being and adjustment. Often adoptive moms would rather do a small intimate affair or “Sip and See” at their home under their child’s terms…or may want to have a shower without bringing baby. Realize that mom is not being rude, she is just being sensitive to her child’s needs. Be flexible. Making sure that baby and mom are happy is always our first priority. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"